


Blown up

by Araglas



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-08 21:21:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4321188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Araglas/pseuds/Araglas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders need to get somethig off his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blown Up

**Author's Note:**

> Hi,  
> it´s my second ff in this fandom and my second ff in english. Since I´m not a native english speaker there may be some grammar errors or bad wording I just can´t see, so please be kind :)  
> Would be very happy, if you leave a review :3
> 
> they are in a relationship for 3 years

Blown up

 

Fenris entered the clinic, then paused. He expected it to be crowded, like always at this time. But it was empty, except of his favorite mage. He arched his brow, not only due to the unnatural emptiness but also because Anders seemed to be very nervous. 

"What happened?" his voice was the usual snarl, only his eyes showed a mild concern, watching the mage pacing, than jumping upon hearing his voice. 

Anders had asked a boy, who was often at his clinic because of bruises he got from climbing on everything he could climb on, to go and tell Fenris to come over. They had developed a friendship over the time, so it wasn’t uncommon for the mage to ask the boy to be his messenger. Since the boy, Henry, had left, the former Grey Warden paced, trying to calm his nerves for the task he wanted to fullfill today. For nearly a week now he had wanted to speak to Fenris, to ask him something important, something meaningful... but every time a chance came up, he backed away again. _You are such a coward!_ he kept telling himself afterwards.

As Anders paced around his clinic, he had his back turned to the door for just a moment so he didn’t hear the elf enter, making him jump when he heard the unexpected but also expected voice behind him. He turned around fast, putting on a smile. "Fenris! Happend? No, no, everything is perfectly fine!" He laughed, but stopped really fast, as he sounded a bit hysterical. He turned away again and ran hishand over hisface. _What am I doing here? Oh maker, this isn´t going how it’s suppose to go!_

The concern grew in Fenris, while he watched Anders’ more than unusual behavior. Cautiously he took some steps closer, eyeing the mage with wariness. _Has Justice driven him mad now? His behavior is surely very strange..._

When he reached the former Warden, he put a hand on his shoulder and turned him around. Calmly he looked in the golden eyes, which showed fear, self-doubt and a great amount of nervousness, but as they looked into each others eyes, all these feelings began to melt away, only leaving love, trust... and yes, still some nervousness. "Are you alright, mage?"

 Anders held his breath for a moment, only looking into those beautiful green eyes, bathing in the calmness, which radiated from the warrior. He let out his breath and smiled, honestly this time. "Now, I am." They stood in silence for a moment, then the mage began to shift a bit. His right hand fumbled in his robes. He inhaled deeply to calm his nerves, then he went on his knees. When he looked up to Fenris, he met his bewildered gaze and couldn’t keep from smiling. Again he took a deep breath, taking out a small box, held it up and opened it, revealing a ring. "Fenris, will you marry me?"

 The elf inhaled sharply, caught in surprise. First he felt his feelings explode, but only a second later he was left with a cold ice block in his belly. Slowly he looked up from the beautiful ring. It was stylish but inexpensive ring, but most likely was worth more than anything Anders would buy for himself. Fenris looked into those golden eyes he loved so much, seeing him grow disconcerted, hearing the nervous shifting of weight, as he anxiously waited for an answer.

 Fenris’ mouth went dry. "I... I can´t", his voice sounded husky. Looking in those disbelieving and hurt eyes felt like a knive through his heart.

 "W-what...?” Anders’ voice was weak and sounded like he could collapse any time. He didn’t understand. Especially since he could see how much those words hurt Fenris for saying them.

 The warrior reached out, putting one hand beneath Ander’s hands, one hand above it, and closed the box. "I love you, Anders, I really do and I desire nothing more than to be your husband. But..." he swallowed, steeling himself for the next words. "You are an apostate. You can´t marry by law. And even if we find someone who doesn´t know or care... I´m an elf. A lesser being in the eyes of most humans, only good enough for an affair, not for marriage."

 He saw the anger about his last statement rising in Ander’s eyes, but continued speaking with a little smile anyway. "I know I’m not a lesser being and that neither you nor our friends thinks like that. But before others, before the Chantry, it’s true. And even if we dismiss all of those things...we are still both males. The Chantry considers us sinners, no priest would marry us." The Warrior got on his knees as well, in order to get to the same height. "But believe me, marriage or not, I will remain at your side, now and forever." When Anders eyes filled with tears, Fenris held him close.

 

~~

 

Roughly two weeks later, the Chantry blew up. Fenris froze, after the explosion nearly blew him off his feet. He watched in horror as Anders stepped forward, claiming that there wasn’t any other way for the mages to stop their suppression and their suffering. That it needed to be done, so the mages could fight for their freedom.

But the way how his mage didn´t glance at him even once, while knowing, he was there, Fenris just _knew_ that it wasn’t the whole truth. And he felt the guilt of beeing the one, who drove Anders over the edge.


	2. Bonus

The only thing, Fenris could do, was stand there and stare at Anders. The sound of the conversation Hawke had with Meredith and Orsino washed over him, as well as the shocked voices and the crying from other bystanders. He saw how Anders sat powerless on a crate, waiting patiently for a verdict from Hawke, ready to die. To give up everything they had... _How can he do this so easily?_ Fenris asked himself, feeling empty and betrayed, not knowing, what he should think, what he should do...

 

Movement came only back to him, when he saw out of his eye corners, how Hawke reached after his little dagger. Fenris markings came to life with a flash, the air intersected by the sound of him drawing his sword. Within seconds, he was between Anders and the other mage, the tip of his sword pointing at Hawke. "You will not harm him. Nobody will!" He glared to everyone near, without letting anyone out of his sight.

"Fenris, don't," Anders voice behind him trembled with fear. Fear for Fenris, not for himself.

"Fool mage, you don't have the right to argue, so be quiet," he snarled back, without looking.

"He betrayed us, Fenris! Look at the mess he made, how many died. How many will die, because of the civil war, which he just started?" Clearly Hawke was more than angry, he was furious and deeply hurt.

“That may be true, but I will not let you kill him. Not when it is my fault as well!”

“Your… did you know about this?”

“No,” two voices answered Hawke. One was calm and steady, the other was more a shocked shout.

“Fenris didn’t know anything about this! This was only my doing! Mine and mine alone!" Anders stood up and wanted to go around Fenris, to put himself between his lover and his leader, but the outstretched arm of the elf stopped him. So he stood behind him, facing Hawke and tried to make clear, that he worked on his own.

 

The Warrior didn´t listen anymore, occupied with something else. "Sebastian I can see you and I can assure you, I’m fast enough to kill you, before you can reach for an arrow," he snarled dangerously.

Then he turned his words to Hawke. "I may not have known of this and also I’m deeply disapproving of his act, but it is still my fault, too." He took a deep breath, opened his mouth to say something, but then he paused. "Just a second", he told his (former?) friend, and then he was at Sebastians throat, who had his bow in one hand and his other hand just reached for an arrow. "I don’t want to kill you, my friend, but I will not hesitate to do so", his voice was a low rumble, his eyes narrowed in anger.

"He destroyed everything I had! He killed Elthina! And what if I wasn’t away? He would have killed me too! Hawke’s companion!" His voice sounded dull because of the hand on his throat, his eyes full of fury and dispair, leaving no place for real fear. "He would have killed me..."

Fenris grip loosen a bit. "Anders?"

"I knew he wouldn’t be in there,I faked a message about a lead about the death of his family. I knew you couldn’t resist," the last words were directed at Sebastian himself. Anders looked sadly at the archer. "I would never kill or harm anyone from our group. I know, after what just happend you will not believe me, but it is the truth.”

"I don’t believe you and I don’t forgive you!" Sebastian struggled to come free, but the elf was much stronger "I promise you, I will kill you!"

Fenris strengthen his grip on Sebastian’s throat again. He knew the threat was real, but still he hesitated to reach through his chest. How often did they have each others back? How often did a well-aimed arrow save his life? How often was Sebastian at his mansion to talk or to play cards with him, Donnic and Anders?

"If you want him, you need to kill me too..." he announced dangerously but also soft. “I could kill you so easily now, eliminate your threat... but since we were friends, I will let you go now. I suggest you to run and don’t try to harm Anders..." He pressed his hand on Sebastian’s throat so slightly before he let him go.

The Archer stumbled a step back, running a hand over his throat, eyeing Fenris waryly. "I will come back with an army and hunt you two down, I promise!" With those last words Sebstian ran away.

 

With a flash of his markings Fenris was back between Hawke and Anders. He noticed the bewildered glances that were on him and looked Hawke in the eye.

"Could you _please_ explain to me, what is going on? Why are you protecting him? Why do you think, this is your fault too?" Hawke wasn’t the only one who was heavily confused with this situation, the other companions had a similar look on their faces.

Fenris took a breath "About two weeks ago... Anders made me a marriage proposal... I turned it down, because the chantry would not marry us..."

"He made...what? You and...? What!?"

Neither Anders nor Fenris exactly hid their relationship, but also they didn't mention it explicitly to any of their companions.

"I _knew_ they had something going on!" Isabela shouted, laughing and patting Varric’s shoulder. Silently he handed her a little bag of gold. The whole angry tention had changed within a second, everyone caught in so many different feelings. Disbelief, anger, surprise, happiness, confusion and so many feelings in between.

Hawke shook his head, trying to make sense out of all things, Merrill and Isabela giggling happily, Varric just grinning amused, also shaking his head. Aveline’s face showed nothing but confusion.

"I didn’t blow up the chantry because you turnd me down..." Anders said quietly.

Fenris turned to him. "Look me in the eyes and say it wasn´t part of the reason..." They stood and Anders opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Finally he shrugged. "Fine...Thank you for being on my side..."

"I haven’t forgiven you, you know?" Fenris responsed with a low growl

Finally Hawke came to himself again. "There will still be a civil war... A civil war he caused! He..."

"You will need a healer," Fenris interrupted, "and a good Warrior is never wrong, too. Let us help to clean up this mess! If you try to kill him for what he had done, you need to face me too. You can´t want this distraction. The longer we stay here, the more people die."

"You would support the mages? I will not let them suffer for what Anders did!"

"My lover is a mage and the person I consider my best friend is a mage. Surley I will fight at your side... And after that, I will take my Appostate and you don’t need to see us ever again..."

Hawke took a moment to consider. While he loathed what the blonde has done, he still felt connected to him. There _were_ friends all those years...and he wouldn’t like to stand on the wrong side of Fenris blade either. He looked at Anders. "Will you have my back, like all the times before?"

"None of you will get killed on my watch," the other mage answered eagerly. This wasn´t what he imagined would happen. It was better as expected. He glanced to Fenris, wondering, if he could someday make it up to him. He had no illusion, he hurt and angered his lover deeply.

Hawke nodded, then turned to face what ever the day would bring.

 

When Fenris and Anders were the last ones standing in front of the hole, which once was the Chantry, Fenris turned out his markings, grabbed Anders and pulled him near. "To be clear, I will not forgive you easily. Not only didn’t you say a damn thing about what you intended, you almost gave up and would have been killed. You would have left me alone!" He pulled him even closer to kiss him hard, after parting again, his face was wet with tears. "Don’t you ever leave me alone, stupid mage!"

Anders held him in a tight hug. "I love you too. I will not let you down again, I promise."

Again they kissed.

"Don’t you die on me, fool mage."

"Only if you also don´t die on me, stupid warrior."

"Deal." They parted to join their companions to face the war.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a kudo or a note, so I know, if those clicks are readers who read the story or clicks from readers who looked in but didn´t liked it enough for reading it...
> 
> For all my reader who might think leaving comments/kudos on my storys would be weird/creepy/stalking be assured it is not but really appreciated! I love to know if you liked what I write and also if you find errors you want to tell me, just do :3 Every comment/kudo is awesome!


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